The Beginning of the Rest of our Lives

Monday I will wake up, leave my baby, and drive over an hour to my job where I will work all day, drive over an hour home, and hopefully get there in time to spend a few hours with her before she goes down for the night.  Just like millions of other people in America.

But it still sucks.

I started working from home weeks before Abby was even born.  The dogs don't even remember what it's like to be locked up all day long.  I can tell you exactly what time the mailman comes on both sides of the street, when to expect the school bus (and parents/children/dogs in my yard), and when the UPS and Fed Ex trucks drive by.  I know what time all of the news channels switch over to soap operas and where to find Mickey Mouse Clubhouse because I feel guilty about my baby looking at the TV (is she watching it?!).  I know what it's like to spend an entire day in my pajamas, only to change right before Joey gets home just so he thinks I did something.  I know what it's like to really do nothing all day and feel completely exhausted.

I could have never imagined what this 12 weeks would really be like.  It's not exactly a "vacation" but it kind of is.  Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's not, and sometimes I sit back and imagine that life could always be like this (if we won the lottery).  Sure, I could stay at home with Abby.  But we'd have to give up some things that I'm not ready to give up (at least not yet).  I also care about my career and I genuinely enjoy going to work and the company I work for.  I'm about to enter into the working mom guilt club that will surely haunt me for the rest of my days. It's going to be rough at first.  But just like those first couple of weeks at home with a new baby, it's going to get better.  We'll survive.

I'm lucky that Abby will be with family for a little while before we start daycare. But I'm still going to miss things.  I'm not going to be there all day to feed her, play with her, put her down for a nap, or be there when she wakes up all smiley.  I'm not going to be able to just sit there for hours and watch her explore her world and develop new skills out of nowhere.

I'm going to miss other things too like watching Good Morning America and 'Kelly and Michael'. I'm going to miss constantly yelling at the dogs to shut the *expletive* up because the baby JUST fell asleep.  I'm going to miss going to Target at 11am on a Tuesday and going through the Starbucks drive thru just because I can.  I'm going to miss taking naps together in the middle of the day and being able to screw around on the internet as much as I want.

But I'm also very grateful that we are ready for this transition. Abby and I are both healthy and ready to go out into the real world.   I knew 12 weeks ago that this day would come but it seemed so far in the distance.  But here we are. So, as we pack up our laptop and diaper bag and head to work and daycare (let's hope I don't get the two bags confused), we'll remember these good times but look forward to even more that are sure to come.  Like our upcoming Disney trip, for example ;)

~SG