Suburbangate 2011

**I wrote this last week but at the time I didn't really feel like laughing about it yet. I think I am ready now... My comments from this week are in red*

What. A. Disaster.

Sometimes I just wonder why and how these things happen to me. It can't be the blonde hair. I mean, I was born with blonde hair but it fell out and turned brown pretty quickly. And you can't tell me the highlights are seeping into my brain... cause that's just ridiculous. (sometimes I wonder.)

Joey drives a really old suburban. It has 200k+ miles on it.  It gets him from home to work, which thankfully for him, is not very far.  It's had a slew of issues but we just keep fixing them and put off buying a new truck with hopes to refinance our home and save a few hundred dollars a month (which could totally be a new car payment) (but probably not).  But one of the current issues is the overdrive doesn't work. Don't ask me what that means, because all I know is that you can't drive it over 55mph. 

Which brings us to today (last wednesday). It's hunting season and he's off work the next few days with plans to go to his family's property to bring home the bear rug that I've been just dying to have (sarcasm).  We decided to switch cars for a few days, because my car is in better shape (note that I did not say GREAT shape) and will make it the 3 hours to the property.  I was to drive the suburban to work today and tomorrow, and all weekend. 

This morning I got in, got the seat situated, had a small issue with tuning the radio  had to call Joey to come down and show me how to tune the radio and headed off to work. I made it all the way into DC with no issues, until I got to a hard right turn by a daycare where the parents just aimlessly park their vehicles wherever they please.  I was focusing on turning the suburban without hitting those idiots, when the steering wheel completely locked (i failed to mention that I turned it ALL THE WAY to the right).  It wouldn't turn!!! I had a long line of cars behind and around me, people were everywhere, and the steering wheel was completely locked.  I was definitely panicking when a (really nice) man who worked at the daycare asked me what was up.  He handed me his notebook, I got out, he got in, and he muscled the steering wheel around and moved the car to the side of the road. We checked the power steering fluid- it was fine, and I thanked him profusely and pointed at the parking lot around the block that I was heading to.  I said I thought I could make it there alright (I was wrong).

I pulled the sub around the corner, which was REALLY hard with no power steering. Folks, we really take it for granted. My arms are SORE.  I managed to get into the parking lot but I couldn't make the sharp turn in the direction they wanted me to go.  After a lot of confusion, yelling, tears, and finally ANOTHER stranger driving my car, we got it parked in a spot (and I'm pretty sure the guy behind me thought I was the dumbest girl ever).  Oh, and at this point I was definitely late to work.  I was embarrassed and completely flustered, and I thanked the guy that helped me and assured me the car wouldn't stay there forever.  And I hurried away.

You can bet Joey wasn't too pleased when I called with this news.  He was about to hit the road for a 5 day hunting trip.  And now he had to drive (in rush hour traffic) to the Navy Yard to deal with "whatever I did to his car".  Right. Cause I did it on purpose......

Upon our arrival to the scene of the crime, the first thing Joey notices is that the back passenger window is completely down (way to go!). Which wouldn't be AS big of a problem if the sub wasn't full of our personal belongings Joey's expensive lacrosse gear from our last load of stuff from Mama Gishes house last weekend (yep. We're slackers).  So of course I get an earful about leaving the window down (cause again, I did it on purpose).  And THEN the sub just wouldn't turn on. The battery was completely dead.

Why? I left the lights on (freaking.idiot.).  I was striking out left and right! I had been so upset over the entire ordeal that I didn't even notice the lights were on and the window was down.  Whoops.  Good thing I carry jumper cables in MY car.  I had to drive through/into a bush to get the car situated and after needing Joey's help to remove it, he decided to revoke my driver's license. (Ok most likely a joke. I hope.) (definitely not a joke).

FINALLY, we got the sub running, he checked the belts and what not, and he backed out of the spot with great difficulty.  I felt better seeing him realize how jacked up and HEAVY the steering is.  And he was off, back home.  He even managed to get some well deserved Popeyes on the way. (and go through the bank drive through. and basically didn't have any trouble driving it.)

While I guess I'm pretty bitter (and Joey's extremely bitter) at the situation but there's nothing either of us could have done to prevent it (that I am aware of).  I really do have to say how thankful I am that he constantly remains calm and is able to fix every ridiculous completely stupid- how the hell does this stuff happen!? situation I get myself into.  I'm pretty lucky.

 **Yep, definitely funnier a week later. I am SUCH an idiot!!!!! I hope you had fun laughing at me, cause I sure did!**